[CRIT] Meeting-to-output ratio has exceeded sustainable limits globally   [WARN] Mercury in retrograde — productivity down 12%, emotional decisions up 340%   [OK] Coffee supply chain stable. Civilization continues.   [WARN] New conspiracy theory detected. Origin: Facebook. Velocity: high.   [INFO] Antarctica still cold. This is a good sign.   [CRIT] Global LinkedIn productivity theatre at all-time high — 2.4M "humbled and honoured" posts today   [WARN] 47% of people currently in a meeting are thinking about lunch   [OK] Sun rose on schedule. Redundant systems nominal.   [INFO] Flat Earth conference successfully held on spherical planet. No irony detected.   [WARN] Someone is eating someone else's lunch from the office fridge. Again.   [CRIT] Collective intelligence briefly dipped below 0 during prime-time TV hour   [INFO] Number of people learning guitar has exceeded music industry absorption capacity   [OK] Oxygen levels nominal. Breathing continues.   [CRIT] Meeting-to-output ratio has exceeded sustainable limits globally   [WARN] Mercury in retrograde — productivity down 12%, emotional decisions up 340%   [OK] Coffee supply chain stable. Civilization continues.   [WARN] New conspiracy theory detected. Origin: Facebook. Velocity: high.   [INFO] Antarctica still cold. This is a good sign.   [CRIT] Global LinkedIn productivity theatre at all-time high — 2.4M "humbled and honoured" posts today   [WARN] 47% of people currently in a meeting are thinking about lunch   [OK] Sun rose on schedule. Redundant systems nominal.   [INFO] Flat Earth conference successfully held on spherical planet. No irony detected.   [WARN] Someone is eating someone else's lunch from the office fridge. Again.   [CRIT] Collective intelligence briefly dipped below 0 during prime-time TV hour   [INFO] Number of people learning guitar has exceeded music industry absorption capacity   [OK] Oxygen levels nominal. Breathing continues.